“It never stops raining!” ranted the lorry driver. He thumped the table, spilt his tea, and actually, for a moment, appeared to be steaming.
You can’t just walk off without responding to a remark like that.
Of course it stops raining,” said Arthur. It was hardly an elegant refutation, but it had to be said.
“It rains … all … the time,” raved the man, thumping the table again, in time to the words.
Arthur shook his head.
“Stupid to say it rains all the time …” he said.
The man’s eyebrows shot up, affronted.
“Stupid? Why’s it stupid? Why’s it stupid to say it rains all the time if it rains the whole time?”
“Didn’t rain yesterday.”
“Did in Darlington.”
Arthur paused, warily.
“You going to ask me where I was yesterday?” asked the man. “Eh?”
“No,” said Arthur.
“But I expect you can guess.”
“Begins with a D.”
“And it was pissing down there, I can tell you.”
– So Long And Thanks For All The Fish (Douglas Adams)
When I try to explain my experience of Apple hardware to people, I’m always aware that I end up sounding like Douglas Adams’ Rain God. My Mac hardware always breaks down in some interesting and unpredictable way. People tell me that I’m exaggerating, it can’t be true that it always breaks down. But I’m not; it does.
To be precise here, every piece of Mac kit that I have ever owned has been replaced because it has stopped working in some way. This is in contrast to the large number of non-Apple laptops and desktop PCs that I have owned over the same period of time. They have all been replaced, while in good working order, because I’ve suddenly realised that I’ve owned them for a long time and there’s probably a newer, better model out there.
I’m not exaggerating here at all. It happens every time. Every. Single. Time.
I know that the plural of anecdote is not data, but here’s what I remember.
- My first Mac was a second hand Powerbook. The battery stopped working. Because it was second hand and out of warranty, we just lived with using it plugged in. Which was fine (well, not really, but we coped) until the power lead broke because of a ridiculous design which put the most stress on the weakest point. Replacements were stupidly expensive, but we got through two of them before giving up on it.
- Then there was the Macbook where the battery stopped working if you ever let it drain completely. We tried all of the workarounds that we found on the web, but nothing worked. Turned out this was a known fault. I took it to the Genius Bar two or three times and each time they replaced the battery free of charge. Good service, I admit, but it shouldn’t be necessary.
- In the end, it was a different fault that killed that Macbook. Eventually the power supply unit failed completely.
- I can’t remember which of those first two Macs it was, but at one point we went through a fun period where every time I updated the system software the wifi connection would fail. This went on for about eighteen months. Got to the stage that I had a CD with a backup of the last known working wifi drivers that I could use to replace the buggy new ones.
- Then there’s our current Macbook. After owning it just a year or two, the rubber covering started to come away from the base. This also turned out to be a known fault and Apple sent out a replacement base that I fitted. Good service again, but annoying that we needed to do it.
- And finally, a few days ago, the trackpad stopped working. You can still move the mouse, but it doesn’t register clicks. It seems that this is another pretty common fault. Apparently as the battery ages, it expands, pressing against the bottom of the trackpad and preventing it from working properly. I can try loosening the screws to see if that helps but in the meantime, we’re using it with a USB mouse. I’ve got an appointment at the Genius Bar next week to see if they can help.
But I suspect that this Macbook is on its way out. Which means buying a replacement. And that’s always so depressing. Mac hardware is always so much more expensive than the equivalent non-Mac system. And it never works properly (at least in my experience).
I’ve started browsing the Apple web site. And I see that they’ve stopped making the Macbook. It’ll need to be a Macbook Air. Which means it’ll be even more expensive and, astonishingly, less functional – they don’t have a CD/DVD drive.
I know what you’re thinking? If I have such a hard time with Mac systems, then why do I still buy them. It’s not for me. My wife likes them more than Windows systems. But I think that this time we might need to have a Serious Talk about what we’re going to buy.