Balham Community Church

This might come as a bit of a surprise to some of you, but I don’t think it’s necessary to ban religion. Of course I believe that it’s all completely pointless and that people who follow religions are completely wasting their time. But wasting your time isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I’ve wasted more than enough time on pointless nonsense in the past.

So, by all means, go on following the religion of your choice. I’d only ask that you do whatever it is that you want to do in private, with a group of consenting adults and never in front of the children. I suppose it’s best if you think of religion in the same way as you think of masturbation. Many people do it, it doesn’t really do any harm, but you wouldn’t want to boast about it in public.

In particular, this is a message for the Balham Community Church. Nothing ruins my Sunday quite as much as coming out of the Balham Sainsbury’s only to find that you’ve set up a PA system and you’ve got some naff christian rock band who are rabbiting on about how wonderful their invisible friend is.

I know you think you’re spreading the “good news”. But honestly it just fills me with murderous thoughts.

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